The Unhinged Things I Do (and feeling gross about wanting more)

Good Thighsday cummunity,

Today, I come to you not as an agent of chaos, but as a humble marshmallow. (TL;DR at end of post)

I have a bone to pick with myself, and I’m genuinely hoping you guys could help me by giving me honest feedback. I can take it! I think.

First of all, you guys know about The ~~Cùm Cult~~ Control Room, it’s a lot of work and coordination just to deliver that. The women have so many ideas that I want to help bring to life, because they’re genius and fun and feral! (Seriously I wish you lot could get a glimpse into our world, more on that shortly.)

Anyway, where was I? OH yeah, then theres the GWAudio with accompanying patterns I made yesterday! And I’m elated that you all enjoyed it, its F4A btw, not just for the men.

In 4 hours I made approximately 130 of you cùm.

In 12 hours, it was approximately 270.

It made me so freaking happy!! Because I enjoyed making it so much! But here’s the thing: a friend guessed it took 7 hours to make. That was way off… It took a whole day, I started shortly after the “Gone Wild Audio: should I?” post, and uploaded the product at 9PM the following night.

1️⃣ First, I needed to write the script.
2️⃣Then annotate the different toys on the script. (Like where I need to go harder, softer, waves/pulses, inflate, how much, etc. And this was for single motor toys and the Max 2 only. I want to make Solace Pro and Edge 2 patterns too.)
3️⃣ Then I had to record the vocals.
4️⃣ Then I had to edit it, add sound effects and do some vocal and audio engineering. (That was the most time consuming).
5️⃣ Next, I had to make the matching patterns on the Lovense app.(I had to do it nearly perfect every time, if I made a mistake I had to start over. Looking into ways to streamline this bit. The patterns were mid at best.)
6️⃣ Then obviously just upload, write the Bond post and share.

I was exhausted after that, but I get off on feedback, so I stayed for the comments, (because I genuinely love chatting and flirting with you, like I spend more time in the comments than my DMs). A few people pointed out that the sound wasn’t loud enough, so I went back into my Digital Audio Workstation (Ableton 12 iykyk), messed with the mastering, re-uploaded to soundgasm, and shared the new link.

So here’s the thing, I love this so much, and I have the time to do this. People have told me this is too much work to do for free. And I’m scared I’ll stop if I don’t have incentive to make it work, because I get burnt out and bored. But I feel gross about taking móney for things I enjoy. I’m scared it’ll make it less authentic. So I don’t know.

I’m afraid that wanting móney will change what you think of me; make me seem calculating, strategic, less like the person you actually enjoy. (But also, I want to save up to búy and renovate a chateau in the south of France!)

TL;DR: I spent nearly a full day making something. I gave it away. It was genuinely good (allegedly). People told me they’d páy for it. And I felt gross about that, and I don’t fully understand why, and I’m sitting with it.

So I’m asking, and I feel gross for even asking this, but here goes: And would you think less of me if I did put some stuff behind a páywall?

You might just get a glimpse into our ~~Cult~~ Group. I created The Control Room Discord server, and it has public spaces, spaces for women only and for the cult, and for the Cùm Raids etc. I’m planning on opening it up to the server as soon as pocket-doll comes back. So watch this space.