36 girly pop looking for her next ex-boyfriend

Think you can be my next-ex-boyfriend?

I don’t want to know your real name.
I don’t want to meet your mum, your sister, definitely not your wife.
I don’t want shared playlists or your favourite sports team.
I don’t want to be emotionally compromised by your dog.
I don’t want to hear “no one has ever made me feel this way.”
I don’t want you to get attached.
I don’t want to deal with your trauma.
I don’t want to pretend this is something real.

I just want you to walk out before either of us notices you were here.

I don’t want a fairy tale.
And I don’t want the guy from hell.
And I don’t want a valentine.
And I don’t want a mistake.

Just be my next-ex-boyfriend.

(Wait, actually I care about the dog. Please send pics.)